


Alicia really hates Wonderland (Parody retelling of the original story)

by Paralalax



Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
Genre: Alice wants to go home, Arguing, Bad Writing, But everyone remembers, Descent into Madness (Not really), Dialogue Heavy, Excessive Swearing, Existential Crisis, Gen, Generic teenage girl, How Do I Tag, Humanized animals (only a few), Mentions of Death, Mentions of Murder, Minor Character Death, Not Beta Read, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parody, Retconning, Retelling of the original story, Swearing, Why the fuck is the character name tags all over the place?, With several twists, cringe warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24193468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paralalax/pseuds/Paralalax
Summary: Teenage girl Alicia 'Alice' Lindsay falls down the rabbit hole after following a strange cat instead of a rabbit. During that time she meets a bunch of new familiar faces as she traverses through the retelling of the story while failing to keep her cool.---Based off the original Alice in Wonderland books and its sequel with references to other media based on the story.___Warning: Bad writing, Excessive swearing and dialogue heavy, alongside one original character.
Relationships: Other Relationship Tags to Be Added





	1. Prologue (thats short)

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic which is bad considering writing isnt my forte.

Alicia 'Alice' Lindsay feels really bored. Most of the things she's doing at the moment feels repetitive and dumb, like reading a book near a cafe. All that fills in her mind is an empty fog of nothing, her thoughts are drifting away at the seams. A yawn escapes her mouth which finally made Alicia awake and aware as she looked around and saw nobody paying attention to her. Before drifting back into another hour of staring at the same string of words in her book over and over again, something piqued her interest.

A cat who sprinted passed her. Alicia swore the cat has a strained grin when she saw it before facing away, she heard strange mumblings that doesnt sound cat-like . She was curious about it. Closing and putting her book away, she followed that cat. 

The cat was a tuxedo, now that isnt really unusual but the feline has a purple coat hunging over its shoulders (which she should've notice before but the grin was more interesting). Alicia noticed that they arrived near the meadows outside of the city. With the cat jumping inside the bushes, she follows. Thats a big mistake considering theres a hole the size of an adult man down there...."Fuck!" Alicia screamed.


	2. Contemplating(and other things alongside that)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia takes the time to think about what lead her to this moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhhhh

Alicia isn't really happy about this. Why? Well for one, she just fell down a hole while following a cat. Which reminds her of a story she read about

"Its Alice in Wonderland right?" she said to no one but herself, "oh thats ironic- wait not really..whats the meaning of Irony again?" Alicia ponders, brown eyes looking down on the abyss. "Maybe I should look for some cardboards yes?" she continued "speaking of which, where is the cat? Maybe its the chesire cat considering its grin. But thats funny, the chesire cat doesn't show up later in the story-" She smacked her head "ugh. It's been a while since Iast read or watch the movies, or books. And usually ends with Alice waking up from her dreams." Alicia then decided to pinch herself on her left arm, which hurts "Ow okay nevermind, i'm awake. Fuck me."

During that time, Alicia opened her white slingbag and took out her phone, clutching it so it wont fall. "No service. Thats fun" she muttered before bumping into something.

She turned around to see furniture items falling alongside her "oh great." Alicia opened the nearest falling cupboards to see what they have in store, to her dismay, all of it is empty. She closed the door and let gravity make her fall further than the other furniture.

Thinking of what other thing to do, she opened her book again, which is a young adult novel which involves love triangle between two guys and a girl. Trying to read but her head hurts from motion sickness, the silence was intense for her, which made things worst so she closed the book again.

"What did the original Alice do other than talk, I swear I want to talk but there is nothing for me to think about. Like...What the fuck I don't remember any dialogue other than the one about the Mockingturtles backstory and I think thats it." Alicia ponders once again, "could I even go back home? Maybe so, maybe no. Maybe! I should try to see if i'm dreaming again, but the pain from the pinch did hurt, or is it even an actual pain, or is it a buzz" before Alicia could think further, she hit rock bottom. 

Alicia stood up and dusted her dress down, seeing as she isnt hurt at all. FIxing her flounce sleeves, she then saw the grinning cat again. "Oh she's not gonna be happy about this!" the cat said, "wait! Who's she?" Alicia called but the cat was running, she chased after it but the cat took a turn, she followed and found herself in the hall of doors.


	3. Taking the Initiative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doors, nothing happen much.

All the doors in the hall are weird; ranging from short to tall, colourful to bland, and with other shapes and curves. Alicia attempts to open every last one of them, of course all of them are locked to her irritation. 

"How do I know which door is the right one?" She muttered to herself, shaking the knob on one of the doors which is also locked, "there must be a key somewhere..." Alicia looked at her surroundings till she noticed a small tripod glass table. Going towards it she swiped the key from the glass surface, examining its simplistic golden shape. She once again attempted to find the door thats small enough to fit it. Walking passed the doors that are either big and medium for it, only trying on the small ones.To her frustration, all of them are unable to budge.

Before she can try on the medium length doors she took one last look around to see a curtain hanging low enough to warrant something, another look she noticed a secondary curtain. More curtains. Alicia groaned, facepalming with one hand while holding the key with the other. 

Few minutes past by with Alicia opening each curtains to see if theres any doors hidden behind it. Only later did she found the door she was looking for. Inserting the key into the slot, she opened the door and kneeled down to peer through it. Seeing a garden like she expected to see, with fountains and benches surrounded by roses and other flowers.

"Right, next thing is some cake, or is it drinks for honestly I don't remember" Alicia left the door open, going back to the table. She found a bottle, picking it up she noticed the familiar label saying ' _DRINK ME_ ' "Sometimes I wonder who even leave these potions out for people to find them." Alicia asked to no one in particular, she looked at the table and saw some box of cookies the size for a mouse to eat, picking it up she pondered on which to taste first. "It's been a while since I last read the book, does the cake make me small? Or is it the drink that makes me big" she thought deeply. Before she can decide, the grinning cat appeared again, bumping on her leg and dropping a handkerchief and a brooch

"AH- Oh no!" the cat said "Formalities aside, i'm going to have to hurry."

"Uhh" Alicia said, blinking. 

"Pleasure to meet you, i'm the Chesire Cat, but I must go and see the Rabbit- bye!" 

"The Rabbit?" Unfortunately the Chesire cat left before she can tell him her name. Now Alicia is on a time jump, she drink the potion and felt herself shrinking down to size. She looked up on the table, seeing the underside of the glass surface. But she mustn't stay too long, she opened her sling bag and put the box of cookies putting it back in her bag before running towards the door which was closed once again, with the key back on the table.

"Did I just- Ugh" Alicia stomped her feet, blonde strands of hair hiding parts of her face, "dammit! I thought that was correct!" she opened her sling bag and pulled out the box. Taking one cookie and eat it in frustration. Feeling herself grow to the size of the room, feeling absolutely trapped, Alicia glowered down and picked up the key with the tip of her finger, placing it in her bag.

"Think! What did Alice do that made her small again" She tried to hit her head but the tight walls prevented her to do so, "maybe anything other than crying because I don't have anything to cry about." she looked to see anything that can help her, her hands pressed on the floor as if desperate to find something to help her.

She felt a pin and fabric on the surface of her skin. She held it in her hand to see it being a fancy brooch and a cotton handkerchief. Alicia examines the brooch, seeing it in a shape of a crown with bunny ears poking out of it, decorated in white and gold rhinestones with red stones decorating the middle in the shape of a heart.

Alicia feels herself sweating, because of both the room and her size, she wiped herself with the handkerchief. Rapidly shrinking to her regular size once again. She checked her slingbag to see the key still there, using the handkerchief once again to get herself in the size of the door. Using the key and entering to find herself not at the gardens, but at a dessert.


	4. No tears, just sand.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The desert is a hot place, but you meet another face.

Sand. Sand everywhere where all the eyes can see. How the fuck did Alicia end up in a desert? Well the answer is quite simple: During the first book, Alice cries a flood when she found herself big and other reason. With Alicia not crying at all she didnt get in a flood, leaving the place she's stuck in utterly deserted with no lush grass and greens.

"At least I drank already before I came here. Granted it was a potion" Alicia said to no one but herself, "but which direction should I go to..." she pondered quite a bit before deciding to wander aimlessly in one direction. Feeling the immense boredom in the situation as she continued to walk. 

At least five minutes (yes she counted) into the walk, Alicia saw something from afar. Rushing towards it, she tripped on a rock that she didn't see before. Fun. Alicia stood up and in front of her, is a mouse carrying heavy luggage on its back. "Uh hello?" She asked, the mouse jumped in surprise. 

"Ah hello there!" it said, making a quick bow.

"Do you know where the nearest..oh I forgot what its called..." Alicia felt stupid, the heat is starting to catch up to her

"Oasis?" The mouse butted in

"Yeah oasis!" 

"Of course I do, i'm also going there right now! I'm a merchant mouse so I have to learn which direction i'm going. Care to follow?" the merchant offered, Alicia gladly accepted it

"Yes of course, its been a while since I last talked to someone especially that cat"

The Merchantmouse jumped in fright "cat!?! Where?"

"Calm down! I don't think a cat is nearby" Alicia tries to comfort the merchant mouse which works.

"Phew! Why that's a relief" The mouse said as they both started walking.

Alicia thinks of something to talk about, "why is this place a dessert?" granted, she already knew the answer. But she doesn't like the quiet after staying in the hall of doors for a while. 

"Well," the merchant mouse tapped on his chin "this used to be an ocean. But even before that it used to be a dessert too." 

"Thats confusing" they still continued walking.

"You get used to it. So anyways there was a flooding on this dessert terrain that made it into an ocean, but it dried up decades later due to the water moving somewhere else" Alicia nodded while the Merchant talked, but one question finally got in her head as they walk.

"But how was there a flood? Did someone come here before I did?" She asked, seeing some green trees from afar

"Yes, but it was a long time ago. Because after she left once she came back decades later, and even then after she left a war broke out" 

"A war?" Alicia is surprised by that, more questions was bubbling up but before she can say anything, they reached an oasis.

"Looks like we made it!" The mouse placed down it's luggage and went somewhere before Alicia can say anything. Turning around, she can see buildings with animals everywhere, talking and moving on like it was nothing. In the middle of it all is a fountain, which everyone mostly crowded around

Alicia sees a group of birds flocking over the trees wearing outfits that she thinks are from the american revolutionary war. They seem to be bickering about ridiculous things that a generic teenage girl like her would not care about, for example; wages and taxes, most are a major bore for her.

She felt a tap on her shoulder, turning around she sees a man wearing what seems to be a man wearing an outfit that reminds her of a medieval merchant, with two little curls of browm hair sticking out which reminds her of ears and a tail waving back and forth "hey you haven't used the fountain yet" the man said,

"But why would I need to use it?" Alicia asked, confused on who this man is. He did notice her confusion and cleared it up,

"Well, do you remember me, i'm the merchant mouse you talked to awhile ago"

"Woah really!" Alicia was shocked, the merchant continued

"The fountain is mainly used by us animals since we arent really capable of using other items in our primal form. Do you understand now?" 

"Uh yeah I do, where did the fountain came from?" Alicia looked around, seeing humanoid people leaving the fountain while other animals bathe a bit

"Oh man..you must be incredibly new here if you don't even know how most of these things work" the merchant facepalmed

"Yeah I am. I really want to know whats going on" Alicia said, the merchant understood but he didn't really know how to answer

"Well...history isn't my forte as we learned the basics. Maybe someone else can help you instead of me" He sighed, pointing at the other direction "maybe go that way and asked someone

"Oh okay" Alicia was disheartened. She watched the merchant leave among the crowd. Deciding not to wait, she looks at the direction pointed by the merchant, and begin walking.


	5. Running Errands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things happen while Alicia plays errand girl

Alicia was casually strolling through the forest like any normal person would. Having left the fountain area, she was mostly expecting when next part of the story will began because so far, everything was linear and straight to the point "or is it not? I'm not sure" she said.

Now it didnt come as a surprise for her to meet someone in the woods. A man with purple-grey cat ears and tail, his hair tied in a ponytail, wearing a white red-lined jacketcoat with patterns of hearts and cards over his snappy suit. He was pacing around the forest with an upset look on his face, Alicia isn't sure if she could inter-

"You there!" The man said with a silvery elegant tone. She felt feline eyes peering into her soul as she looked at him

"Yes sir?" Alicia doesn't know where the 'sir' come from but its too late to take that back

"Would you mind helping me? I'm looking for my brooch and handkerchief" He asked- or is it demanded? It's hard to tell

"Sure- but what is your name?" Alicia asked, the man looked at her incredulously

"You don't remember me?" he said in shock "-oh wait, that makes sense." The man held his hand towards her, which she grabs. "I'm the Chesire cat. We met near the hall of doors, I guess you don't seem to have a clear memory" they shook hands

"Oh well then, I'm Alicia" She responded with concealed surprise, feeling the grip on her palms by the Chesire.

"Alicia?" He grinned, "why that sounds like a name I haven't heard in a long time.." he then forcefully removed his hand and pushed her in a direction. "But unfortunately theres no time for that! I got a strict schedule and need to meet with the Queen immediately" 

"Is he gonna behead you or something?" 

"No hes way too nice for that, are we in the same time period or are unaware of the situation around you" 

"I guess both, its not like I really want to be aware." Alicia replied,

"Are you sassing me young lady? You still got a job to do" the Chesire snapped impatiently.

"Fuck-fine! Okay!" Alicia ran to the other direction.

"Wrong way!" The chesire shouted, Alicia grumbled and moved to the intended direction this time. A few moments she found a house, looking like a normal victorian house for the middle class. Alicia spotted a brass engravement 'C. Chesire' before entering the house. 

"Can't he just...I don't know, fade away like he used to do, can he do that?" Alicia asked herself, looking through each room to find the things needed for. She entered the bedroom and with quick pacing, found the things she needed. A box with brooches and a seperate cabinet compartment for the handkerchief.

A thought suddenly appeared, 'didnt she have those items in her slingbag?'. Alicia realised, opening her slingbag that she forgot was in her person only to see her normal stuff except the brooch and handkerchief missing. Whats even a surprise at this point. Alicia took the things needed and left the room.

In what seems to be a living quarters, she passed by a portrait which immediately caught her interest. She looked at it and took note of a few things. Two people, the Chesire at and what seems to be the a man with white bunny ears and short hair, reminding her of the white rabbit. It suddenly crossed her mind that she never met the rabbit at all in this adventure, only a cat. Alicia stared at the painting before continuing her errand run. 

By the time she arrived back to where the Chesire cat is, he was waiting patiently. Reading what seems to be a familiar book, taking a closer look she sees that its the Young Adult novel she was reading. "Oh I didn't notice you" the Chesire closed the book.

"Well I got your stuff now" She gave the handkerchief and brooch to him. The Chesire examined the items before taking it

"Thank you, I guess that makes things easier for us in the long run" he said, pinning the brooch to his suit and stuffing his front pocket with the handkerchief. "Guess this is goodbye then. Goodbye!" He grinned, fading away from limb to limb

"-Huh! Why didn't you do that earlier instead!?!" Alicia shouted but alas the Chesire cat was gone, his smile fades away last. Leaving only her alone in the woods. 

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism is always welcome as long as it's relating to the story. Also its really short.


End file.
